My old Flivver

My old Flivver is my best friend
All you need to give her is a twist & a bend

She ain't worth a nickel

But I'll bet my jeans

She's brought a million dollar's worth

Of smiles to me

She needs new tyres for front & rear

The horn won't speak to the steering gear

She's a bit lopsided

And the lamps won't light

But outside that my Flivver's all right

Um tiddly um pom. Bleep! Bleep!

You'll never go to heaven

Oh you'll never go to heaven
In an old Ford car
Cos an old Ford car
Won't get that far


CHORUS
Oh you'll never go to heaven
In an old Ford car
Cos an old Ford car
Won't get that far
I ain't agonna grieve my Lord
I aint agonna grieve my Lord
I aint agonna grieve my Lord no more


Oh you'll never go to heaven
In a limousine
Cos the Lord aint got no gasolene
etc

Oh you'll never go to heaven
In a Vampire jet
Cos the Lord ain't built no runways yet
etc

Oh you'll never go to heaven
On roller skates
Cos you'll roll right past those pearly gates
etc

Oh you'll never go to heaven

With a fit Girl Guide

Cos the Lord ain't built his gates that wide

etc

Oh you'll never go to heaven

In a Boy Scout's arms

Cos the Lord don't like those masculine charms

etc

Oh you'll never go to heaven

In a bathing suit

Cos the Lord don't like his angels cute

etc

She'll be coming round the mountains

She'll be coming round the mountains when she comes
She'll be coming round the mountains when she comes
She'll be coming round the mountains
Coming round the mountains
She'll be coming round the mountains
When she comes

CHORUS

Singing I will if you will, so will I
Singing I will if you will, so will I
Singing I will if you will
I will if you will
I will if you will
So will I

She'll be riding six white horses
When she comes etc

Oh we'll all be there to greet her
When she comes etc

She'll be eating ravioli
When she comes etc

You can throw your ravioli
On the wall etc

Oh you canna shove your Grannie off a bus
Oh you canna shove your Grannie off a bus
Oh you canna shove your Granny
'Cos she's your daddy's mammy
No you canna shove your Granny off a bus

My aunt Grete

My Aunt Grete, veed-a-veed-a-veet
Had a puss, veed-a-veed-a-vuss
And that puss, veed-a-veed-a-vuss
Had a tail

And that tail veed-a-veed-a-vail
Had a twirl, veed-a-veed-a-virl
And that twirl, veed-a-veed-a-virl
Had a tip. COMMA.

And that tip, veed-a-veed-a-vip
Had a twirl, veed-a-veed-a-virl
And that twirl, veed-a-veed-a-virl
Had a tail

And that tail, veed-a-veed-a-vail
Had a puss, veed-a-veed-a-vuss
And that puss, veed-a-veed-a-vuss
Had my aunt

Theres a hole in the bottom of the sea

There's a hole in the bottom of the sea
There's a hole in the bottom of the sea

There's a hole,
There's a hole,
There's a hole in the bottom of the sea

.

There's a log in the hole in the bottom of the sea etc

.

There's a lump on the log in the hole etc

.

There's a frog on the lump etc

.

There's a tail on the frog etc

.

There's a hair on the tail on the frog etc

.

There's a germ on the hair etc

.

We're glad there's nothing on the germ on the hair on the tail on the frog on the lump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea

Mosquito

The mosquitoes are coming oh hark
Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz

They always come out in the dark

Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz

They wear spectacles made for the night

Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz

They always know just when to BITE

A Guide's got a face like a ping pong ball

A Guide's got a face like a ping pong ball

Ping pong ball.



Ping pong, ping pong,ping pong, ping pong, ping pong, ping pong, ping pong ball (repeat)



Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping

PONG

She sat on the verandah
And played her guitar
Played her guitar
Played her guitar
She sat on the verandah
And played her guitar
Played her guitar

He sat down beside her
And smoked his cigar
etc



He said that he loved her
But oh! how he lied
etc



She said she believed him
But oh! how she sighed
etc



They were to be married
But somehow she died
etc



He went to her funeral
But just for the ride
etc



He sat on her tombstone
And laughed till he cried
etc



The tombstone fell on him
And squish squash he died
etc



She went to heaven
And flip flap she flied
etc



He went to t'other place
And frizzled & fried
etc



Now the moral of this story is ne'er tell a lie
Is ne'er tell a lie
etc



If you want any more
You can sing it again
etc

Eliza Jane has gone to camp
Eliza Jane
Two pocket handkerchiefs & a gamp
Eliza Jane

CHORUS

Oh Eliza! Li'l Eliza Jane

Oh Eliza! Li'liza Jane

Eliza Jane was pitching a tent

By pitch she thought that tar was meant

CHORUS

Eliza Jane was making stew

We didn't get dinner till half past two

CHORUS

Eliza Jane was washing up

Now we've only got one cup

CHORUS

As-tu remarque
Ce qui est au plafond ?
C’est une grosse bête
Qui roule a bicyclette

C’est un éléphant

Mais oui évidement
Il y une queue derrière
Et une autre devant

TRANSLATION

Have you noticed that thing on the ceiling?
It's a huge great beast riding on a bicycle.

It's an elephant!

Oh yes, of course
It has one tail at the back & another one in front

Were you ever in Quebec
Stowing timber on the deck
Where there's a king with a golden crown
Riding on a donkey

CHORUS
Hey ho! away we go
Donkey riding, donkey riding
Hey ho away we go
Riding on a donkey

Were you ever off Cape Horn
Where it's always fine & warm
Where there's a lion & a unicorn
Riding on a donkey

CHORUS

Were you ever in Cardiff Bay
Where the folks all shout "Hooray"
Here comes John with his three month's pay
Riding on a donkey

CHORUS

Captain she has coffee

Lieutenant she has tea

Patrol Leaders have cocoa - its good for them you see.

Seconds they have lemonade or sometimes they have lime

And all thats left for the poor Girl Guides

Is water all the time

CHORUS

Thats the way thy treat the Girl Guides

Thats the way they treat the Girl Guides

Thats the way they treat the Girl Guides

With water all the time

Captain she is married

Lieutenant is engaged

Patrol leaders are courting

Although theyre under age

Seconds they are trying & sometimes they succeed

And all thats left for the poor Girl Guides

Is Scouts with knobbly knees

CHORUS

Captain she has lavender

Lieutenant she has Pears

Patrol Leaders have Wrights Coal Tar

And dont they put on airs

Seconds they have sunshine to make their faces shine

And all thats left for the poor Girl Guides?

Carbolic all the time

CHORUS

Captain - turkey

Lieutenant - duck

PLs - boiled ham and think they are in luck

Seconds - sausages & sometimes they have spam

Poor Girl Guides - mouldy bread & jam

CHORUS

Captain has an aeroplane

Lieutenant has a car

Patrol leaders have tuppenny rides

Upon a trolley car

Seconds they have pushbikes

Which take a lot to beat

And all thats left for the poor Girl Guides -

A pair of weary feet

CHORUS

Captain she does nothing

Lieutenant she does less

Patrol leaders do cooking

And dont they make a mess

Seconds they do sewing

Which isnt very much

And all thats left for the poor Girl Guides -

Mouldy washing up

I went to the animal fair
All the birds and the beasts were there
By the light of the moon
The hairy baboon
Was combing his auburn hair
The monkey fell out of his bunk
And slid down the elephants trunk
The elephant sneezed
And fell on his knees
And what became of the monkey?

Nobody loves me

Everybody hates me

I'm going to go & eat worms

Long thin slimy ones,

Short fat furry ones. See how they wriggle along

.

Now the long thin slimy ones

Slip down easily

The short fat furry ones stick

When the short fat furry ones

Stick in your throat,

That's when the juices goes

Sleek!